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When is the Best Time to Move Your
Children?
Companies are relocating more employees today than at any time in history. In
fact, in many of the nation's firms, new employees begin their careers with the
understanding--either explicit or implied--that they could at some point in
the future be asked to relocate.
In today's competitive corporate environment, as top companies vie for
prospective applicants with the high-tech skills they demand, corporations have
determined that dangling certain benefits are necessary in order to sweeten the
pot, so to speak. Companies have moved beyond merely paying the moving expenses
of new hires and current employees relocating to another branch office.
Recognizing the national movement to strike a balance between work and family,
employers are helping the spouses of transferring employees find jobs, helping
their children locate quality education, and offering other benefits to help
ease the transition and keep employees' job satisfaction at a high level.
While helping children find good schools is an important part of the relocation
process, the last-minute nature of many transfers makes it difficult to analyze
the emotional needs of children. Stress begins as soon as the transfer is
accepted. In most cases, the transferring employee sets up camp in the family's
new hometown and the rest of the family moves later, usually because parents
want their children to complete the current school year rather than uproot them
mid-year. This obviously creates stress on the spouse left behind and on
children, particularly if they're young.
Some relocation specialists are beginning to doubt the importance of waiting
until summertime to embark on a move. First of all, summer vacation has become
shorter in recent years. Within many school districts, you'll find a push towards
year-round education--in other words, a move away from the nine-month academic
year followed by a three-month summer break. Educators are arguing the merits of
shorter, more frequent breaks throughout the year instead of a lengthy summer
break. This shortens the window of available break time in which families may
move.
In addition, when families relocate during the summertime, they often find that
other families in their new neighborhoods are traveling. That reduces
opportunities for children to meet new friends in their new neighborhoods.
Subsequently, they have time on their hands and are likely to become bored
and/or apprehensive about the move.
Families who relocate during the summer and plan to immediately enroll their
children in summer activities and/or summer camp are often disappointed to find
that these activities are already filled. Registration for these activities
often takes place in the spring. The same goes for many sports teams and
academic and music organizations offered by schools. Students often "try out"
before the school year ends in order to be considered for membership in the fall.
It's often a good idea to plunge your children into activity upon arrival in
your new hometown--in other words, don't give them the opportunity to become
lonely. Moving your children mid-school year means they're immediately introduced
to other children their own age and presented with numerous opportunities for
academic organization membership, sports teams, and overall familiarization with
their new hometowns. Being the "new kid on the block" is more likely to be a
novelty in the classroom--a positive point of difference that attracts other
children to your own child, as opposed to an empty neighborhood in the summertime.
As children mature and become high-schoolers, they're more likely to introduce
themselves to the new student in the class, to offer to take them to lunch,
introduce them to their circle of friends, etc.
Many child psychologists say that children between the ages of about 5 and 10
are the least affected by a move. Children of this age range don't look outside
their families for validation and support as much as teens. Parents of children
between 5 and 10 should concentrate on doing more of the same--offering
emotional support, talking with their children about any concerns they have
and spending a little extra time with them, despite all of the pressures of the
impending move.
If you are moving during the summer months, find out if your child's new school
offers an orientation. One of the best ways to dispel apprehension is to instill
familiarity--with the building layout, classrooms, your child's new teacher,
and so on. If it's possible, seek out an individual (such as a guidance counselor)
who's willing to take your child under his or her wing for a couple of weeks and
help your child locate the extracurricular activities that capitalize on personal
strengths and facilitate friendships.
Teens are trickier. This is the age, of course, when children are attempting to
separate themselves from their parents and establish self-identity. Their
friends are a significant source of emotional support for them. So uprooting
them is more traumatic. On the other hand, teens who successfully handle the
stresses of a move are likely to experience a boost in their self-esteem and
sense of competency as a result. Considering the challenges ahead--college
and adulthood--this is good real-life experience. In fact, teens who have met
the challenges of a relocation are often more successful in their attempt to
handle the emotional stresses of moving to college for the first time.
Nevertheless, your teen is likely to be feeling apprehensive about your
relocation. A parent's best strategy, according to child psychologists, is often
just to listen. Ask your teen what he or she feels. If you can, tell your teen
about a similar time in your life. Did your own family go through a move when
you were young? How did you feel? What kinds of coping strategies did you use?
And to validate your child's fears, this is an excellent time to set up an e-mail
account for your child so that he or she may continue to communicate with
friends in your former hometown (and even chat with a group of friends in real
time) at minimal cost.
Try to bring out the positive aspects of the move (an adventure, a chance to meet
new and interesting people, see a new part of the country and expand horizons),
and strongly encourage (but don't pressure) your child to get involved in
extracurricular activities in your new hometown.
While it's inevitable that you'll always find pros and cons with every move,
it's quite possible that a mid-year move is the best move for your family. And
consider this: moving during the holiday season (November, December, January)
often means you'll pay a lower price for a home. Homes often command higher
prices during the summer months.
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